How To Build Self Worth + Confidence
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Thank you for trusting me with your internal mechanics and welcome to my digital space.
I work in Neurolinguistics which is a fancy way of saying I play with words like they’re my toys and sometimes I break them. And the phrase “Self Worth” is not safe from my deconstruction.
This might seem contradictory since I am in fact going to teach you how to improve your self-worth. However I want you to understand what the concept self-worth really demands of you.
Self Worth Is an Economy
The word “worth” denotes valuation. You cannot determine the worth of one thing without comparison to another thing (For example the YSL bag I show in my YouTube video on this subject is “worth” $1600).
The language “Self Worth” presents an issue to me because it raises many questions, namely:
Who is evaluating the “self” in question?
What are the values of the person evaluating the self in question?
Is the self evaluating the self?
If so, what are the self’s values?
It’s philosophical and abstract and if you’re just trying to feel better about yourself…it creates too much psychological labor and not enough solution.
In short, I think there is an easier way we can improve our confidence as human beings without trying to figure out what we are “worth”.
What Do YOU Value?
Rather than questioning what our worth is or who we are worth what to, I find a cleaner route to confidence to be examining what your values are + living in integrity with those values.
While that might sound overly simplistic, the neurological math maths. Here’s why:
Whether you call it Self Confidence or Self Worth…the feeling you’re looking for is Self Trust. What you really want is to feel good in your skin, to feel competent, to feel free to be yourself and like life is unlocked for you…am I wrong?
There are many ways to build self trust, and the most fundamental way that I’ve found is defining your own standards and living up to them.
For example, if you value something like “truth telling” and you develop a pattern of telling the truth always (especially when it’s challenging) you wire your value into your nervous system.
Your brain starts to associate YOU not only with truth telling but with reliability because you keep your own word.
This creates a reward loop in your mind. Every time you uphold your value you trust yourself more and you approve of yourself more.
The more you practice approving yourself, the easier it is to BE yourself.
Your Homework: Thought Experiment
Here’s a self reflective thought experiment that will help you examine your current value system. You can sit with these questions, journal them, or record yourself on video answering them (highly revealing + effective).
1. If your life is a trial, who’s the judge and who’s the jury? (use actual names)
2. What do they value?
3. What do you value?
4. Whose values are taking up more space in your life?
That last one will punch you in the throat if you answer it honestly. Because the truth is, most of us are still making choices based on someone else’s scoreboard.
Confidence comes from self-trust. And self-trust comes from seeing yourself clearly, showing up for your own values, and knowing with all of your being that you have your own back.
And guess what…It’s OK if you don’t have your back right now and it’s also OK if you don’t know how to yet. It’s never too late to start practicing. And you can do it.
-Britnei Nicole
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