We are taught that being desired is supposed to feel good. Someone wants you? Congratulations. Someone finds you beautiful, fascinating, sexy, magnetic? Even better. Desire is framed as a compliment, which means experiencing someone else’s desire as disgusting can be deeply confusing.
What do you mean you don’t enjoy being wanted? Is your steak too buttery too? Is your lobster too juicy as well?
But I have learned that there is a difference between being desired as a person and being desired for consumption.
One friendship became a surprising mirror for identifying the difference. We became close during an very vulnerable period in my life. I trusted this person. I let my guard down. I gave her emotional intimacy, physical proximity, tenderness, attention, and care because I understood our relationship as friendship.